Spiderman Dethroned

To be honest, as the mother of two boys and a house full of superhero character pajamas, I never thought I'd hear the day when any disparaging word would be uttered against our dear, ever-present Spidey, but today was the day.

As we cross the street in front of our apartment building, Ian solemnly informs me that "Batman is more badder than Spiderman." (Boy, do we have some work to do on the grammar. I correct him - "worse" - and he gives me a look like - "yeah, more badder").

Curious, I probe as to why. It turns out there are a plethora of reasons, and any aficionado of superheros would have seen this coming. First, Batman can fly and Spiderman can't, he only has this web thingy that he shoots out from his hand. Ding. Second, Batman can run super, super fast and Spiderman can't, he can only swing around (visualize Ian spinning his arm violently in circles above his head) on the aforementioned web. Ding. Third, Batman has a car, Spiderman doesn't (Mom thought of this one; Ian is shocked that he didn't come up with it). Ding. Fourth, and perhaps most important, Batman has a cape and - you see where this is going - Spidey only has that skin-tight webby underwear, head to toe Speedos, and nothing more. Big ding.

As we cross the park contemplating the many detractions we have lodged at Spiderman, I watch the tangled tuft of fine blond hair on the back of Ian's head as he looks straight down at his shoes. Red lights are blinking energetically with every step, the shiny black sneaker pleather beaming, and visible on the top and both sides are tiny red spiders casting webs over his arch, heel and across his toes. I can hear his thoughts clearly: how could I have ever left the house with these shoes on? So begins years of affronts to one's coolness that Ian will have to endure, but he seemed to handle it well. No demands to turn back for home to find the Batman shoes, which we don't have, but are now on my shopping list.