Cain and Abel, Revisited

You wanna know how Cain actually killed Abel, I mean how it all went down, play by play? I can tell you.

So Eve straps Abel into his carseat, and then she goes around to the other side and straps in Cain. That is her first mistake. Cain is pissed off that he wasn't strapped in first.

Then Eve starts to drive, and Cain, being pissed off, starts banging the back of her seat with his sneaker.

So Abel, ever the good son, says: "Mom, Cain is banging the back of your seat. Cain is doing that, he is."

To which Eve says: "Shut up and let me drive."

To which Cain says: "See, you can't tell Mommy what I'm doing."

To which Abel says: "Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

At which point Eve reaches a stoplight and turns around, fuming like a dragon.

"If either ONE of you opens your mouth again for the rest of the drive, even to BREATHE, you're getting a spanking. I MEAN IT!"

Cain and Abel watch her. Will she do it? They both open their mouths wide, silently, and wait.

At the next light, Eve looks in the rear view mirror and sees two gaping mouths, tonsils wagging. She is sorry she ever took a bite of that apple.

"Mom?" says Abel.

"Yes?"

"Cain touched me."

"Cain, don't touch Abel."

"But Mom, he really really hurt me. Mom, he's still touching me. Mommmmm!!!!!"

Eve keeps driving.

"Mommmm!!!!" Eve hears garbled noises from the backseat, belts unbuckling, some wrestling, punching, the car starts to rock back and forth. Eve keeps driving.

There's a rough punching sound, car glass breaking, and then silence. Eve keeps driving. There's no talking from the backseat. One of them must be dead. At least they can't both drive me crazy anymore, Eve is thinking.

"Mom," says Cain.

"Yes?"

"Are we there yet?"