GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLL !!

From the "don't you wish you were me file":

Tomorrow comes one of my very favorite things to do: sit in between my children for eight hours.

My husband and I are taking them to Spain for a family wedding. We're all very excited to be there, of course, but we always wish we could just "teletransport" (because that's what marshmallow-cleavaged superwomen can do in his comics, I guess... see Tuesday's post if I've lost you.)

This morning, I needed to do something to calm myself down. I needed confirmation that my sons were older (not infants) and could behave (not scream) and might even be at an age where they could have fun (not puke and poop).

I had to talk to the boys about how we behave on a plane. I knew it wouldn't sink in, but I also knew such a talk would at least make me feel a fraction more secure. Secure, like when the flight attendants review the procedures for a water landing. Procedures which would involve me floating on my seat cushion in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Ha ha. They can't fool me on that one; unless Sully is my pilot, a water landing is not going to work out so great. But security, even the false kind, I'll take it.

So as we are velcro-ing our sandals to head out, I drill them.

Me: Guys, where are we going tomorrow?

Them: (in unison) ESPANA!

Me: That's right, and how do we get to Espana?

Julian: (With command) In a C-130 Transport! (Too much military aircraft knowledge? Check.)

Me: Well, not exactly, but close. What do we do on a plane?

Julian wrinkles his face at me and I realize my question may be a little too broad.

Me: You know, when you sit down?

Julian: Ohhhh, yeah yeah yeah OK. I know! We watch movies! YEAH!!

Oops. I told my husband last night I didn't want to bring the DVD players. Not this year. Let's leave TV behind. Not even watch the World Cup. Let's enjoy each other. But once I mentioned the part about not watching the World Cup, my husband was ignoring me and had his nose in the comics again. Did I seriously think I would visit a country who is seriously a contender for the World Cup and not be watching it? Silly American...

With the boys, though, I redouble my efforts.

Me: Guys, how about coloring books? And dot-to-dot? And mazes? And we could bring some of your little travel games and puzzles? And Ian, we can read some of your "I Can Read" books?

They both look at me quizically. Is she OK?

Me: Guys?

But I had lost them. They were high-fiving and oh-yeahing and were already at the drawer by our TV picking out what movies they were going to jam into my purse for the trip over. Still, I'm the boss, right? I may just pull a totally gutsy move and leave the DVD players at home. 30,000 feet up, there's not much they can do. (With the minor problem that the same rule applies to me.)

I'll have to sleep on it and decided just how gutsy I am. I hope there's still hope for my dream of a TV-less vacation. Because readers, let me remind you: as of this writing, the U.S. has 1 point and Spain has 0. I might just come out ahead on this one.